Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Wondering Why

So many times I catch myself questioning why this had to happen to our family and to our child.  Why does our child have to have such severe allergies and eczema and why does she have to be so miserable all the time?

We have no history of food allergies in the family so the diagnosis took us by surprise.  It was definitely not something the doctors were willing to test for right away.  But, food allergies it is.

It's a daily battle and tiring journey to read labels, cook meals, and make our way through the grocery store.  It's a part of life that we have to turn down many invitations to parties and other functions which revolve around food.  It's a part of our marriage that date night consists of pizza delivered to our doorstep late at night, followed by a movie in bed.

Food allergies can be so limiting.  I know as Bee gets older, she can advocate more for herself.  But for right now the job lays squarely on my shoulders, and it's an overwhelming task to be responsible for her safety.

When I think about these things I catch myself falling in to a pity party.  That's when I feel discouraged and when I feel isolated.  I miss our old way of doing things and I miss the simplicity of a freezer meal, a dinner out, or a date night out.  Nothing is simple anymore.  If I continue to dwell on those facts, I can feel the bitterness creep in.  That's when I have to remind myself that there is a purpose.

I can't imagine life without Bee.  She is a ray of sunshine, a funny little clown with a zest for life, and a princess with a big attitude.  She can charm the socks off anyone she meets.  There's just something about her little self.

This is how our life is supposed to be.  There is a reason.  And maybe I'm beginning to see a little glimmer of the big picture.  I have been able to help so many others.  I have received phone calls and emails asking for my help.  I have been able to give people ideas on where to begin with their new diets.  I have been able to offer encouragement and support.  I have been able to sympathize, pick up the pieces, and help others move forward.

I wish I could take away the food allergies or take them on myself.  Bee has been through so much.  But she's such a testimony of perseverance and God's grace.  What we've learned on our journey has helped so many already.  God is bigger than what I can see and there is a reason.  I can choose to let the unfairness of our situation cause me to wallow in pity or I can know that God is at work, and I can choose to let Him use me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

There is a reason and God knows what He's doing.  I can simply trust.


AmyDawn1977 said...

This is beautiful and has me in tears. Mainly because it is something I have thought and said many times. From the "why?!", to the just understanding that this is God's plan and to take the trial and turn it into the testimony. I know He has a plan, and as hard as it is, we will follow. Thank you for your blog. As our journey continues to become more complicated, it is nice to know that I am not as alone as what I feel on a daily basis. Thank you again!

Lexi said...

You are very welcome! It has been a long journey but I know that there is a purpose and I hope I'm able to help other parents who struggle with the same things.

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