Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Food Allergies and Fearing Separation

I have a huge fear of leaving Bee anywhere, with anyone.  I am fearful when she goes to Sunday school or participates in any other event.  I am terrified to leave her.

We have a policy around our house.  One of us is never more than 5 minutes from wherever she is if we're not at home.  If she's at an event, we are somewhere nearby.  We might not be in the same room, but we are on campus or in the same building.

When Bee was small I didn't drop her off in the church nursery or leave her anywhere.  I stopped going to Gymboree classes and music classes.  We stayed HOME and she stayed in my sight.  As she got older, we continued keeping her right with us.  If she participated in something, we were volunteers and we were right there.  I provide the snacks, I organize, I help, I clean up, I volunteer.  I don't leave.

Now that she's older, we've actually dropped her off in a Sunday school class.  We have great communication and clear expectations - and I provide the snacks.  However, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am anxious the entire time.  I enjoy our class so much less knowing that she's in a room full of other children with someone else watching over her.

We have actually left the kids with a sitter once.  That was our first time to be more than just a few minutes from Bee.  Date night is not as fun as it used to be.  I kept my phone on the table the entire time, just waiting for a phone call.  I left instructions, set out her medicines, and wrote down all the important phone numbers.  Bee was at our house which is the allergy free zone, so I shouldn't worry.  But I do.  I am so fearful when she's not with me.

I have a hard time when I'm not the one who's watching her.  I worry that someone will forget about her allergies.  I worry they will make a mistake.  I worry that they will miss the first signs of a reaction.  I worry they will forget how use the Epi or wait too long to use it.  I worry they won't call me right away.  I just worry!

If I could, I would never let her out of my sight.  I would hover.  I would watch.  I would never be more than a few steps away.  I fear being separated from her and placing the responsibility of caring for her and managing her allergies on the shoulders of someone else.  It's not my kids who have separation anxiety, it's me!!

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